pain · you regret that you never gained a thing · relationships · children
what you just named
You came in pain, not joy: that you regret that you never gained a thing, in your relationships — specifically with children — and you reached for the Stoic voice first. That's what you've named. Listen now to what it answers.
- Stoic
Spirit
mind
The hard conversations were avoided by both of you and you carried the weight of that on the side that gets the credit for not bringing them up. Seneca writes about a related dishonesty: we often want one thing and pray for another, not telling the truth even to the gods. The conversations not had with your child were the truth not told — about your past, about what you were afraid of, about what you wanted for them, about what you wished you had said when they were small. The catch-up does not happen all at once. The first hard conversation prepares the ground for the second. Have one. Begin where you can begin.
heart
Have one hard conversation. Not all of them. The first one prepares the ground.
connection
You stand in the line of every father who began the hard conversations late and learned that the first one was the hardest and that none of the rest were as hard — every man who chose to tell the truth to his child instead of carrying it.
Action
This week, name one hard conversation you have been avoiding with your child. Plan a specific time. Begin where you can begin.
Reference
We often want one thing and pray for another, not telling the truth even to the gods
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic Ep. 95
practice
Beginning one hard conversation; letting the rest follow from the ground it prepares
principle
The conversations not had are the truth not told; the truth is told one conversation at a time
value
Honest speech over preserved silence