pain · you regret losing a thing · relationships · children
what you just named
You came in pain, not joy: that you regret losing a thing, in your relationships — specifically with children — and you reached for the Stoic voice first. That's what you've named. Listen now to what it answers.
- Stoic
Spirit
mind
The years are gone the way every yesterday is gone, and the regret you carry about them is the baggage Seneca refuses to let his student keep: no man can swim ashore and take his baggage with him. The shore Seneca is talking about is the new life. The shore you are swimming toward is a different relationship with your child today and tomorrow. The baggage of the missed years cannot come with you. You can apologize once, briefly, then set the apology down and start swimming. Each stroke is one ordinary act of presence today. The missed years will not be paid back; they will be replaced, slowly, by hours of you being there for the rest of what is left.
heart
Set the missed years down. They cannot swim with you. Start the next stroke now.
connection
You stand in the line of every father who came back to his children late and gave them the years he had left — not the years he owed, but the years he had — and made those years count.
Action
Today, give your child one ordinary hour. No apology speech. No making-up-for. Just an hour of you being there.
Reference
No man can swim ashore and take his baggage with him.
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic Ep. 22
practice
Setting down the baggage of missed years and giving today's hours
principle
The years cannot be paid back; the next hour is what swims with you to the new shore
value
Present hours over past accounting